I think I m goin to use up all my second chances.. I have been given way too many. I hav had not been utilising those second chances given to me. I have promised myself to visit my grandma more often if I can stay much longer here which I did but now up to the time when I have to leave I m still not showing enough love to my grandma. I want to say many things to her but I fail to do so every time I meet her. Why is it so hard to get those words out? I have wanted to ask: ah ma do you have anything u want to eat so much? I can go n buy it for u. ah ma, do u want to go out for a walk? I can bring u for a stroll. Ah ma u must live your life peacefully. Don say goodbye before u get to see me for last ok? Promise me ok? Ah ma, I would want to spend a night with u. talking to u until v fall asleep. Ah ma.. I would want to bring my boyfriend to u one day. Get married with your presence and have my baby in your hold. Ah ma. Why things are so complicated? Why is it so important about people judging our acts when we believe we are doing the right n most important thing in our lives? Ah ma, I have way too much things to talk to u. to do with u. ah ma, how did u look like when u were young? U must b vr pretty right. Tall slim with fair skin I guess from how u look like now. How about ah kong, I neva got to see him. Only a vr faint image I saw in a photo long ago. Pa said ah kong was a vr generous man. He helped others although he himself is poor. Ah ma do you miss ah kong sometimes? How nice if he is still around. U can accompany each other. U can lament things to him when you are bored. Ah ma I pray to god for your well-being n happiness. I love you. I hope I have done more for you.
I owe even more to my pa and ma. I still remember how dad used to carry me to my bed when I fell asleep on the sofa at night. How ma caressed my head when I pretended I were sleeping soundly beside her. How I miss their snores when I slept between them. How I miss when mom carried me back to bed when I rolled down to the floor in the middle of the night. How I miss pa bringing me on the front seat going everywhere with his old motorbike. How I miss the walk with mom to wait for school bus. I hope these things will remain with me no matter where I go, how old I grow. Pa and ma, you are great. You know why.. Cos you make me feel grateful of being in this family u give me. Please worry less about me. Your daughter has grown old enough to take care of herself. Let me do most of things I can by myself. Spoil me no more. Or else I will get used to it and reluctant to grow up. I m sorry I have been always aim far n away from you. I m reluctant to leave but I have an urge in my heart. I want to go out to see the world. To learn new things. To experience new environment. To grow. I know I will make u worry. I m ungrateful to do such thing to u. but I will feel sorry to myself if I let this chance to slip away. I promise I will come by your side everyday when you need me most. I will feed you, bath you, walk u, hug you read u, sing u, hear u, I will whichever I can to make you feel as a child again. Let me take care for you this time. God please take care of my angels for their love is so great I can’t bear to lose them.
I thank god for giving a young sister for me. I cant imagine how our lives will b like if it’s not bcos of you soo wei. I m glad to hav u as a company when I need someone to talk to, to play with, to crap with, to laugh with, to cycle with, to walk with, to watch with, to plant with, to steal with.. hahaa.. I feel more relieve to b away from home as u can keep pa n ma company. If not home will b so quite n boring. U color our lives. Don’t ever hesitate how much our love is for you. It cant be measured materially. Mayb u are just too young to understand this. B grateful bcos u can still be around home with pa n ma. Cherish the time spent with them. Take care of them for me. I pray to god to keep u safe, healthy and happy.
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